``.*___Close your eyes...

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Ask myself that sometimes : " Who am I " , "wat I really wan ?", Who am I really is ?", Wat sort of identity I want?

I felt that I have spit personality. If I want low profile , i remain quiet , observe and learn. If I want to be really crAZY , I break jokes (ya...crappin) , making people mad , dance like no 2moro and tok nonsenses, bitching etc. If I want atittude , I be mean , snagger,heckcare abt things surrounding me and do the things I want, cut my hair to various sort of style and felt no problem abt it . I can be any sort of person i want ....if I want to.

One thing Tat I am not ...... I am not a hypocrite. i shall nv befriend wif a hypo as hypocrite is never a sincere friend. Toking to a insincere could make me puke and uneasy.

I'm 21 and still in identity crisis .....but I will try my best to be on my best atittude in almost all situation. I am suppose to be now . ESp In the careeer i am now.... I hope to be on my best behavior and try my best ...... only with God's blessing....

I nv know that it is so difficult to be myself sometimes and although my motto is "heck care simply bor chup" but sometimes........it's so difficult to achieve that ......as that is truly a blessing.
IT's never a simple case.....to ignore people's stare and unfavourable opinions.

Whenever i started to question myself , feeling the -ve energy abt myself and become self- concious; I remembered Helen's words (Helen have been working in my previous industrial attachment ,Nestle, as a senior chemist for 20 over years) , She said to me "WHY SHOULD YOU BE SO SELF -CONCIOUS abt how ppl looking at you? my gal ...."

When she said that to me ..... in a presence of sheer mockery by her in a positive way because wat she means is that ....it worth a sympathy to people who dun even stand still and strong in their own feet and be who they are ........ with character.

isn't those people who have no strong character worth a pity? They dun ever have character and they will blow away easily with peers, in other words, their life is not their life anymore, their life have been control by others.

Taking control of our life is such a thrill .... even in some circumstances we can't but think abt it ...at the end of the day ....does this life matter to you ? Or are you too coward to even control your own life, conquering your destiny?

Anonymous scribbled this at 3:50 AM...

Monday, March 28, 2005

Out of sudden , i missed my days at HSA. THe double-flat screen connected by a really Powerful CPU. WHomp!!!
The foods.
The freedom
My colleagues
Joyce
LYnn
Kok leong
the teasing of kok leong and joyce
PAng
miss tan etc etc ......
The drugs evaluators
medical reviewer aka tan CK, the head of drug evaluation
a lot of others
dossiers
papers
no faking bet me and my colleagues
real laughter, smiles
no office politics
And lastly ...the five star toilet
The gorgeous biopolis..........

-------------------------------------

Btw , Opp! I did it again !

I cut my hair again ......last sat with dear liping in Storm salon located at Jurong pt.....tat salon mark lee open 1 lor !
Real short ....
very short and spunky
just suit my active lifestyle
Very atitude ...
When gel up....look very smart ...

Anonymous scribbled this at 5:49 AM...

Saturday, March 26, 2005

I am so sad , Sunita is leaving Singapore soon .... back to nepal .......on the 19 April 05 .

I realised that after a period of excuses of " no time" ..."tired" .... "schedule jamming "....go out ? "no $$$$" ......"lazy"
It is not a great reasons of not being catching up wif old friends, y shall I wait till the day that we will lose in touch or they are leaving permanently then we will start to catch up wif them ?

Lynn came back from Australia , she was not ready to adapt the life there... and lucky she's back in time ... imagine ...3 yrs

lynn back but sunita go ...... still lost one friend.

Anonymous scribbled this at 5:18 AM...

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

tuning to my low- key so that i be an unobtrusive in this complicated world ... I still been dug out and got *toot* upside down, left and right, in and out ....
Mine ... my dishevelled hair got one of the hottest topic of the day ...miserably..
J- pop style got into a series of taboo in this complicated world and style become I so called "ru lai fuo zu's head" .. Maybe ru lai hair is "in" style .....

Yes. i got a ru lai hair today and it is darm funny ... liping called me few days ago and asked me want to cut hair ... Gd ! In good time ..

I discovered that there are a lot of ppl around me who dun dig their ears, heading one of their senses to almost complete uselessness and destruction..

what am I toking about ? Forget it ... there ppl there who just like to ask and ask and ask and despite repeat answering .. *toot* it : They ask me the same question again and again and rephase the same question and hopefully they sound not the same.

"wat are u goin to do wif yr hair ?"
" I am goin to cut it very soon "
" u better tied it up properly and be neat "
"it is better to tied up and spray wif a lot of spray, u nd a lot of spray "
"ya , I am not tied up , i am gonna cut my hair real soon "
" i am gonna cut really short"
" be frank wif u ... u dun look nice wif tied hair , it is better u cut it short hair huh ?becoz u got wide face..tied up wif manify yr face"
" By the way , i am cutting my hair "
"yr hair is really hard to tied , too layer, if u tied it , it gonna be messy "
" wat r u gona to do wif yr hair ? "
" are u gona tied this ru lai fuo hair in future?"
"Oh no , I am cutting it short soon . "
"yeah , I will look really neat in short hair ok?:"
" let me tell u something , u better cut it , u look nice in short hair "
" yes , Iam gona cut it , I am gona monsoon wif my friend this friday "
"when are u gona cut yr hair ?"
"this weekend, friday? soon !"
"are u gona cut yr hair ? "
"are u gona leave it long ?"
"no , i am cutting it short "
"u know u can leave it long , if u know how to tied it neatly"
"val, dun u wan to look pretty?" ( screw the person who ask this question )
"yeh , hell yes..." (sarcasmly)
"cut yr hair "
" shut up or I wincing U like *toot* ! "( sori ... I am really pressurized by those superfluous, excessive, unneeded ,gruelling questions ans comments which step onto my pretty toe, getting on my nerve . i got really defiance this time. those ppl just dun have the basic courtesy to listen and take my words seriously. )
who cut yr hair ?(veri stupid question)
"A japanese:". (toot it , I wanted to say "a human lor, then wat ? yr mama? " but in order to show that person some face and respect and sensitivity, I reframe that question. )

One thing I hate doing is to ans the Qs from retards. It is quite amusing but unwoeing.....wasting my time and salivary.

Come and think of it , they are here for god- send laughter. Let's make use of them , LAugh at them! Mua hahahahaha !

Forget about it , 2nite I shall record my voice " I will cut my hair 2day ! U *tooting* deafen assHOle!" on voice recorder and replay up to thousand megawatt shall shove onto ppl's ears when they ask me the same question again.

Anonymous scribbled this at 4:29 AM...

Monday, March 21, 2005

na beh ...

"Are u ok?"

How can I be ok when I had not slept a wink the whole nite and straight away gonna go training at 9am , woke up at 5.30am.

Fuck..!

I can't help to curse with this useful word...really

Somemore gela screw by ppl for my hair and face ...

Fuck ..

This job really test my patience..

Anonymous scribbled this at 4:15 AM...

Sunday, March 20, 2005

With love from Hong Kong

Anonymous scribbled this at 6:23 AM...

BACK from KONG KONG!

I got my post -trip symptom now.

I miss Hong Kong, Hong Kong is really a place where u buy things , eat , buy things , eat lor ..
Restaurant and pub is 24 hrs 1 lor . Shops dun close 1 lor, si bei crowded and once u stop in the middle of the road, u will get stampede on lor ! Very happening very happening ... if u are the type who hate to be lonely... I guess... u should migrate over there.... I get to go clubbing with the bunch of my colleagues at the last nite over there... it happens to be lady's nite and I get in there free.....their clubbing scene also very happening lor..I tik their music is better than Sinagpore... It is indeed a city that dun rest....

Ok la...if u have a lot of money , HK is fun , if u dun have ,....... Hmmmmm... go singapore east coast park and watch the sea....

I got an serious acne problem now ...big problem ...
Back home , very tired very very tired..Monday dun feel like goin back

Anonymous scribbled this at 6:06 AM...

Sunday, March 13, 2005

Now packing for later trip to HK ... at 3.50am gonna go
SO EARLY ! no nd to slp niao .....
heard that HK is really cold now , abt 18 degree

1st time taking a plane
1st time to a really foreign country
lst time to my 21th ....rebellious to seek for independent
lst time I am so helpless and fear for the sin that I had done
For that the thrill that is so guilt -sickened
BE back next weeek ....

Blog more pic when I come back !

Anonymous scribbled this at 8:44 AM...

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

I have nt been goin to church service for long ....And I am answerable to non but to God.
Only God is in my heart and nothing can replace Him
The devil and discontentment in me start to battle against the angel in me .......
More Breakouts too....on face .. Shit..
i started to feel dark and insatiable and fear too in wat ever thing I do.
I hope I had more time to be with God.
And i hope God can be generous enough to spare me some faith and hope in watever thing I do, most important ....be happy in watever things I do when things get really not I expected to.
Out of sudden, I had become the most unhappy and tired person that I had never known.
I hope that god will gives me some contentment and happiness and energy back so that I will be able to face the challenges each day.

As I have decided to embark on this path , hold in abeyance on my previous careers which I hold so dear with ; just like my first love. Part of the team in contributing improvement in lifes , in scienctific areana , in the marvel of the technology. I have gracefully dances to the point exit to a completely whole new life that required so much so much demands of my energy and courages and determination to carry on in what I think I should be dared to challenge on......audaciously . I hope that this decision will be the most prudence choice I had ever inscrible into my life as I will be groomed and will learn so much on building confidences , poise, molding character and ....patience, caring and vigilance.

This may be a temporary changes and may be eternally.

I hope my fellow colleagues will not think that I am such a strange person sittting there pouting her mouth and rubbing her nose (shaking legs?) ungraciously....."gosh .. look at that Gauche shitty lady with her signitured's unkempt hair! gosh ......is this company collecting rubbish ? Am I entering wrong office... "

I believes in my Lord. I will be at the day when I will be happiness in my the joy of my work.

Anonymous scribbled this at 6:10 AM...